JZ,

I KEEP TELLING MYSELF THE SAME THING

Don’t plan to do

Don’t plan to be at a certain place at a certain point of my life

Don’t plan to “be something” at a certain point of my life

Don’t plan to feel a certain way

Don’t plan to not feel a certain way

JUST FUCKING BE

and stop thinking about the future!

And be the best you are right now!

CUZ I AM BEAUTIFUL! 

and SO IS LIFE!

SO I SHOULD JUST BE LOVING MYSELF AND LOVING MY LIFE!!!!!!

and this will get hard! Very hard. Incredibly hard. So hard to keep on believing and trying to live by. But if I try to be a better person everyday. and if I try to think of someone other than me (preferably those that are not so lucky as I). and if I stay true to myself and to knowing how beautiful I am.

THEN EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY :) 

A tornado flew around my room before you came

and I still need to clean my room! The only one who can do it is me, but I’m glad you stopped by and messed it up a little (a lot) with me. Thanks Frank Ocean for the metaphor :) Twas fun, beautiful, dear, meaningful, special, and oh so necessary in my life to grow up. Cycles upon cycles, meaning my up is coming now that this chapter is done for good. New semester, new year, new attitude of gratitude!  and the first order of business, I hope, will be the stopping of my pressuring and planning and thinking - and my starting of enjoying the world of possibility at my feet. I’ve never been one to share but I can learn, isn’t that the most important thing? That I want to learn? That I want to share? Give what I get, get what I give, a product of the delirium inside me for the past few days - clarity, if for a few moments.

Don’t be fooled by your emptiness

I guess I’ve been trying to write a blog with this title while listening to this song for a while now, but my words don’t really want to flow out so I’m going to let it be still in my body, be still in my soul, so I can remember how I feel without having to tell convoluted and cryptic sentences that won’t make sense to anybody but me, but I can still tell the world that there is, well…so much more room for happiness. and that the reason I can tell the world that is because the one person who got me reluctantly into this music and this song in the first place is the one that has taught me much, much more and I will be forever grateful, forever glad, and forever a teeny bit sad for it.